To me, something has been off about the character Grendel in John Gardner's Grendel. Never mind the whole book, which is a different can of worms entirely. Something was just irking me about the way Grendel was presented in the text, and it was pestering me throughout the readings. I thought at first it was because my expectations of Grendel hadn't been met. I had conjured an image in my head, and my standards simply hadn't been reached. That wasn't quite right though, so I just shoved my feelings of uneasiness and frustration to the back of my head until I had to write this post. When I was researching what to write about and pretty much just typing whatever idea I had into the Google search bar, I remembered a certain artist that used monsters to portray mental illness to shed some light on the disorders.

So I Googled "monsters mental illness." Of course, the only thing that pops up are the cute little drawings. I start scrolling through them, fascinated by the artist himself and how well he describes the disorders. I'm getting a little anxious though because bipolar disorder hasn't been mentioned, and well, I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I like representation. My anxieties vanish when I finally reach the little monster near the bottom of the page. It's a decent fantasy version of what goes on with the actual disorder, and the monsters not horrendous or ugly, so I'm fairly impressed/pleased. This is when I figured out why Grendel is so repellant to me.

It's a fairly accurate representation, and it's cute like me, so I like it. 

Gardner's Grendel has bipolar disorder. To be classified as bipolar, an individual has to go through a manic episode. Most people also have depressive episodes along with it, but mania is really what makes it bipolar. Otherwise it's just plain depression. Grendel goes through manic episodes with delusions of grandeur, impulsivity, unrealistic beliefs about him and others, and anger at times. Consider the following quotes:

"I understood that the world was nothing: a mechanical chaos of casual, brute enmity on which we stupidly impose our hopes and fears. I understood that, finally and absolutely, I alone exist. All the rest, I saw, is merely what pushes me, or what I push against, blindly —as blindly as all that is not myself pushes back."

“The world is all pointless accident…I exist, nothing else.” 

"I discovered that the dragon had put a charm on me: no weapon could cut me. I could walk up to the meadhall whenever I pleased, and they were powerless. My heart became darker because of that. Though I scorned them, sometimes hated them, there had been something between myself and men when we could fight. Now, invulnerable, I was as solitary as one live tree in a vast landscape of coal."

“It enraged me. It was their confidence, maybe- their blissful, swinish ignorance, their bumptious self-satisfaction, and worst of all, their hope.” 

"This nobility of his, this dignity: are they not my work? What was he before? Nothing! A swollen-headed raider, full of boasts and stupid jokes and mead. ...I made him what he is. Have I not a right to test my own creation?"

I think you get the picture now. I also believe Grendel does go through depressive episodes as well, especially when he starts talking about loneliness, his mother, and some of his nihilism. It can be hard to differentiate the two episodes in the book, and sometimes mania and depression can combine into a mixed episode. It's possible Grendel starts to have mixed episodes.

Once diagnosed, all bipolar people receive their complimentary happy/sad masks. Grendel must have lost his.

Was this what Gardner wanted to convey to his readers? I hope not. Unfortunately, distinct characteristics of bipolar disorder and possibly other disorders (schizophrenia) were used to personalize a famous monster in literature. I honestly don't know why Grendel is portrayed as manic and in such a blatant way. Obviously villains and monsters meet some criteria of mania, but Grendel kind of takes the prize on meeting most of it.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into the text or not enough. However, as someone with bipolar disorder, I can identify with Grendel on too many levels. It makes me wonder if someone with bipolar disorder is still seen as monstrous to some degree.

As a side note, here are some websites that give information about bipolar disorder:
PsychCentral
NIMH
NAMI